VI: Moral Hate Circus

I: Moral Hate Circus  II: Moral Hate Circus  III: Moral Hate Circus  IV: Moral Hate Circus
V: Moral Hate Circus

 

-Screamer.

My trance is broken, but not my body.

Still taut.

Painful now.

Ema is speaking to me.

Caelan’s jaw is still moving, but I only hear Ema’s voice from behind me.

-Don’t listen, Screamer, it wasn’t your fault.

I’m not listening.

It’s just your voice, Ema, in my head. Are you even speaking?

-Do you hate right now?

Do I hate? Oh, yes.

-What do you hate? Who do you hate?

I hate Ira.

And I hate Caelan.

And I hate being treated wrong,

differently,

like I’m a fragile doll or a three-legged puppy.

And I hate you for not standing up for me.

But standing back.

Behind me.

And I hate you for that, Ema.

-I am standing up for you. I am right here. I am taking your mind off Caelan am I not? Off Ira?

You don’t tell them about me.

-No.

You should tell them how I hate this.

-No. You should tell them how you hate this. Or else I’ll be giving you special treatment. I know you can do it yourself. So why should I do it for you?

Touché.

-Open your damn mouth, Screamer, and tell them. Make sure they hear it, too.

 

Caelan is still taking.

His voice is muffled and instead of the firm and solid tone his throat is holding, I hear only a shriek, rage-fuelled, angry and hideous, aimed right at me. Bring it to me, let it hit me, yell at me, Caelan, do this for me, do this one thing for me, treat me as I should be, shout at me because I’ve done something wrong, because I’ve done something you told me not to do, you’ve ordered me not to walk around my own circus and go where I want, but shout at me because you’re right, scream at me, don’t keep it silent so I hear it echoed and amplified in my mind, Caelan, Caelan yell at me.

He doesn’t yell at me.

Even when I order him to.

Explicitly.

Caelan!

So I yell at him instead.

I use my talent.

My pure and raw talent.

The reason this circus exists.

I scream.

Long.

Loud.

Hard.

Raw.

Red.

Hurt.

Cause.

Noise.

Sight.

Flick.

Glitch.

Round.

Start.

Hold.

Bad.

Bad.

Bad.

Look at me now!

Look at me now           !

Look

at

me

now!

I have scared off my sweet Isolation!

I have frightened away my backup!

I have shocked my tormentors into silence!

I have ridded myself of my obstacles!

I have prepared an empty path!

I have nothing to show for it, only a bleeding throat!

Look at me now!

I need my sweet Isolation!

I need my backup!

I need my tormentors to be loud!

I need my obstacles to overcome!

I need my crowded path!

I need something apart from my blood to show!

Look at me now!

Give me my sweet Isolation!

Give me my backup!

Give me my tormentors!

Give me my obstacles!

Give me my path!

Give me something to show!

Look

at

me

now!

 

VII: Moral Hate Circus  VIII: Moral Hate Circus  IX: Moral Hate Circus  X: Moral Hate Circus (Final)

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