Found scrawlings from the inside of my grey and dying mind.
[TRIGGER WARNING: Suicide, etc. I don’t want anyone reading anything they can’t handle. You have been warned.]
The original text:
“If you’re ever contemplating suicide, don’t come to me. I’ll only help you figure out a way you want to do it. And I promise, when the time comes, I’ll hold your hand. And I won’t let it go until it becomes cold. But do not think for a second that I would ever try to stop you.
You are not jumping from a building – you are crossing a threshold.
You are not gradually swallowing pills – you are crossing a threshold.
You are not breaking your neck – you are crossing a threshold.
You are not breaking your veins – you are crossing a threshold.
You are not suffocating yourself – you are crossing a threshold.
Whichever one you inevitably chose when you arrive at my side, I will never talk you out of. I will sit and listen and help you. And then I will hold your hand. You’ll have someone you can trust by you. And that won’t ever change.”
The discovered Scrawl:
IF YOU COME TO ME WITH YOUR MIND FILLED WITH DEATH,
TO WALK OFF THE EDGE OF LIFE ITSELF,
A SWEET AND LESS-THAN-POETIC SUICIDE IN YOUR HEAD,
I WON’T TRY TO STOP YOU.
IF YOU COME TO ME WITH YOUR MIND FILLED WITH HATE,
EITHER OF YOURSELF OR OF ME,
PLANS OF BLOOD OR SWALLOWING UNFURLING IN FRONT OF YOU,
I WON’T TRY TO STOP YOU.
DO NOT COME TO ME TO STOP YOU,
I WILL NOT URGE YOU ON. I WILL NOT EVER MAKE YOU,
BUT I ALSO WILL NEVER STOP YOU. I AM NOT YOUR MIND, I DON’T UNDERSTAND,
BUT THERE IS ONE THING I WILL DO.
I WILL STAY WITH YOU. WHICHEVER WAY YOU DECIDE,
IF THIS IS IT, YOUR TIME IS UP, I WILL HOLD YOUR HAND,
UNTIL ITS WARMTH EBBS AWAY INTO ICE,
I DID NOT STOP YOU.
IF ANYONE ASKS ME I WILL NOT TELL THEM THE TRUTH,
I WILL NOT TELL THEM OF WHAT YOU MEANT TO DO,
I WILL NOT TELL THEM OF WHAT I DIDN’T DO,
I WILL NOT TELL THEM THE TRUTH.
BE AWARE. I WILL NOT EVER STOP YOU. YOU DO WHAT YOU MUST,
JUST BE AWARE OF WHAT YOU’RE LEAVING. SAY GOODBYE FIRST,
BEFORE YOU DECIDE TO GIVE UP, TO NEVER AGAIN MOVE,
I WILL NOT STOP YOU.
Automatic Ema 